Mini Pity Party

My heart is itching to express itself so that’s what I’m going to do at this moment. I keep telling myself the moment I start thinking about something and then I think, “This should be a blog post!” I should definitely get to writing because it may just be God telling me to do so, so here it is! 🙂
 
 I’ve been reading all of these blogs lately about health and wellness, long beautiful hair, and super organized moms, and they’re all just so inspirational to me. They’re kind of a downer as well, which is weird because they should motivate me to do some pretty amazing things. How can I have all these mixed emotions about all of these accomplishments that I read about? Here’s why…
 
Truth Moment
I don’t believe in myself. Yea, I said it! I’m going to face it! My mindset SUCKS! I can be super happy for everyone else like “Yay you did it!!” and think “Wish I could do that.” All at the same time! Sad huh?
 
I don’t really know how I got to this point in my life, and thinking the way I do. I used to blame it on my last relationship, which played its part. Having a child at such a young age and thinking it really hurt my potential. Yea, that played a part too. But if I’m completely honest with myself…It’s because of me. No one else’s fault but my own.
 
The Little Things
I’ve been reading a book called “The Slight Edge” By Jeff Olson, ((Super good read by the way…Make sure to get that)), and one thing he stresses in the book are the little decisions we make every day that either take us up the success slope or down the slope to failure. Let’s say you eat a huge chili cheese burger with chili cheese fries dipped in ranch with a large coke for lunch one day. It was super delicious, you’re extremely full and you’re good to go until dinner. Did that one meal hurt you at that moment? No. You’re probably feeling uncomfortably full at the moment, and maybe a little gassy lol but nothing drastic right. But then, let’s say that you ate that every day for lunch for like the next month. All of a sudden, you wake up one morning and look in the mirror, and you see this MORBIDLY OBESE person staring back at you. (ok yes I’m exaggerating a little bit, but those chili cheese fries will do that to you lol)
 
WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?!
 
It’s the little things you do each day that affect your tomorrow.  It’s nothing instantaneous, it happens over time. That’s what happened with me. I started off by choosing to be with someone every day that wasn’t healthy for me. Then I start thinking one bad thought after another about myself. “Jaleccia, you’re not good enough”, “You never make good decisions”, “You’re nobody without this man in your life”, “Yea, you HAD potential. Now you killed it by having a baby and his dad doesn’t even want you.” Every day…slowly killing myself…from the inside out.
 
Quick Pity Party
 Now I feel like I have no motivation to do anything. I start something and don’t finish it out. I messed up big time in my photography by being a push over and it cost me BIG TIME money! I feel like I suck as a mom sometimes, and I’m in a place in my life where I feel I don’t need to be, like I’m not walking in purpose at all. It may be a little mild depression. I’ll admit that. Never really been ashamed of speaking out about my life, but this moment of my life is pretty embarrassing. Guys, I even have a super amazing Life Coach ((Her name is LaTara Bussey…look her up. She’s AMAZING!)), and I can’t even stay consistent with her to get my life on track. I feel so hopeless.
 
 
-*Party OVER!*-
The amazing thing about my life though that keeps me going is knowing that I still have Jesus in my corner, and that He’ll always be there. He’s my hope that gets me up in the morning. He’s my rock that continues to support me. He’s that whisper I always hear deep in my spirit, “Just keep trying”.
 
Man, I love Jesus!
 
Anyways, this morning I was thinking, “I really need to change that whisper into the loudest thing going on in my head. How can I do that?” MORE JESUS!!! I don’t spend nearly as much time as I should with Him, and I truly believe that is what keeps me at these low points. Negativity is WAY TOO LOUD in my life, and I need to switch it up.
 
So, I want to look into different bible studies on drawing nearer to Jesus and do them on my blog. I would really love for you guys to join in with me and make this a community deal. I know I’m not the only overwhelmed momma in this world at the moment, and I SURELY know I’m not the only one who needs more of Jesus!
 
So as I start this journey on a healthier lifestyle, not only physically but MENTALLY and SPIRITUALLY, I could definitely use some encouragement from all of you. I didn’t write this post as a “woe is me”, but more as an “I’m reaching out to all of you for love, support, ideas, and encouragement” type post and I want someone else to know they’re not alone in how they feel. Don’t be embarrassed because of how you feel and what you may be going through. Life is tough, no doubt about it…but together and with Jesus we can make it through!! Thanks so much for your listening ear! Looking forward to hearing from you!!
 
Be Blessed!!

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3 thoughts on “Mini Pity Party

  1. Chris says:

    Life constantly happens, mistakes are made, and things just happen. 1. A child no matter how conceived, is a part of purpose. The “x” God moved out the way. Now your free to move forward. I have been through 2 lifetimes full stuff already, personal heartache and despair has been plaguing me for years. “X” that kicked me out Dec. 26th, day after Christmas, GF that came to me pregnant, battles with alcohol, a lifetime battle, ect. We love Jesus of course, but on a life note here is the funk deal….we ALL go through it….here is the matchbook answer out of it. FORGIVENESS. J, Forgive yourself. Jesus forgave us, we are expected to do greater. For every bad move, decision, parental mistake, business blunder, it’s ok. He knew. There is nothing NEW in the PAST. If you look back all the time while your walking forward, eventually you will run into a wall. God, lies within you, Holy Spirit, He is with you all the time, pray sideways, I no longer look up when I pray, I don’t have to, He’s right here. Forgive yourself. We all love ya, everything that has happened, and what you’ve gone through is over, can’t be changed, what lies in the future is subject to free will, you will overcome, the process part is always the toughest. Heart, body, mind, soul, and spirit, all controlled by God, and ALWAYS working in YOUR favor. Here’s testimony from today: Me and Evette went to pick out the specs of our new house we are having built, 4 bed 2 bath, Moore schools, 170,000. All those fights with the x, the kids crying at 3am for her to stop yelling at me, the hot factories spraying glue onto insulation, working 16 hours a day in the cold outside, all the lies I had been told, the previous decisions I made before, didn’t matter today. 170,000 house custom built, 0 down, $500 closing cost, mediocre credit score. YOU are ME. We are all the same. Favor, it will come, I have been very, very patient. I know EXACTLY who was watching over me. An EXACTLY who will receive the Praise for all that is given. That’s my testimony today. I give freely with most everything, and I have never not received 10 fold. Night J God Bless Us

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