I had been sober for 8 months.
8 months going strong. Feeling like I could conquer the world if I really wanted to.Yea he was on the back of my mind, and yes he did haunt my dreams, but I was so over him!
8 months going strong.
Then my phone rings…its 8:04pm. Hey
Jesus, it’s been 8 months! I haven’t talked to him, I haven’t seen him, and I want nothing to do with him. He’s no good for me. I know what’s going to happen if I message him back. Jaleccia, please don’t message him back. Just ignore it, delete it, and be done with it.
But what if things are different this time? Maybe I can stay strong, and just be his friend. We don’t have to have sex. We can just be friends, right?
My mind is battling back and forth as I stare at that 3 letter word. So simple, but the power that it has over me is so deep and dangerous. You would think it was just so simple to just leave him alone and not talk to him. All of those hurtful things he did to me. Wooing me, and then pushing me away. I was his night time girl. Not good enough for commitment, but oh did he love the pleasure. He played with my mind with all of his sweet talk and I love you’s…and it dragged me in EVERY…TIME. This time, all I had to do was just not respond.
8 months going strong, Jaleccia. 8 MONTHS!
Even though I knew mentally what to do, emotionally and spiritually I was tied to him. The feeling is like a drug. I could be completely clean, but the moment it’s in front of me, even though I know its killing me, I feel like I need it. Like I need him.
So I responded, trusting myself (FIRST BIG MISTAKE) that I wouldn’t go past friendship this time, and the next time, and the next time after that, and the next time after that. Almost 2 years later, I’m still in the same cycle. Killing a little piece of myself every time I so freely hand over my body, something that doesn’t even belong me but belong to Christ, to someone who doesn’t even know how to care for it. And every time…after the pleasure is all gone, when the sweet whispers silence, when the “love” I thought I was getting is suddenly snatched away…I’m left feeling emptier than I was before…
Ladies, I really want you to understand how strong and powerful soul ties are. Sex was a beautiful gift given to us by God to bring two together as one…in MARRIAGE! Even though it is taken out of its original context, this process still happens. Just imagine if you’re having sex with multiple people? You’re becoming one with everyone!!! That’s a piece of you with this guy, and a piece of you with that guy. This is why you stay broken and so attached to others. This attachment that God didn’t ordain is not healthy!!
The movie Temptation…PRIME EXAMPLE! This is a great example of how an ungodly soul tie affects our lives. We start to become consumed with this person. They take over our thoughts, our feelings, and then next thing you know, you don’t even recognize the person you have become. Which is no one, or so it feels like it, because you’ve given your identity away to someone who doesn’t plan on giving it back.
I will say this though..Nothing is too big for God to fix. I remember crying out to God one day, “God I want to give you my all but honestly I don’t think I have anything to give you but maybe some scraps. Maybe” Do you know how much that hurts to hear those words come out of my mouth?
God I know my body belongs to You and it’s your Holy Temple and all, but see what had happened was I allowed several different men to tear down your temple since I was 16 years old. They all told me that they loved me. I know You said You did too, but theirs was tangible. Nnow it’s gone and there’s nothing but rubble here. I know you don’t want this mess.
Pretty deep huh? Do you know how mighty and loving my God is though? This is what He has to say to that…
“But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes,” says the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’ instead of ‘my master.’ O Israel, I will wipe the many names of Baal from your lips, and you will never mention them again. On that day I will make a covenant with all the wild animals and the birds of the sky and the animals that scurry along the ground so they will not harm you. I will remove all weapons of war from the land, all swords and bows, so you can live unafraid in peace and safety. I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord.” -Hosea 2:14-20
WOO!! Jesus!! His word is always on point!
No matter where you are…no matter what have you done. It doesn’t even matter if you just got done doing something that’s against God’s will. It doesn’t matter!!! God loves you soooooo much!! Even if you are like me and you feel you have nothing to give to God, all he wants is you. He wants you to let Him know, “God I’m ready. I’m ready to be loved by You. I’m ready for You to make me whole! I’m ready to give you all of the broken pieces of my heart for you to mend back together.” And He’ll do just that!! He’ll restore everything that was taken from you. He’ll fill every void that was created. He just needs the green light! He’s not going to force you, because love doesn’t force itself upon others. He’s going to patiently wait for His bride to come back to Him so He can put her in her rightful position!
I pray all you ladies are super blessed and that you give yourselves over to God wholeheartedly! If God can restore me and make me whole, He can do the same for you!